He Has Felt the Joy of Forgiveness, So He Knows the Resurrection Is Real. (with Craig Ostler)

High in the mountains before sunrise, two young men had been fasting and praying for days. They had come up together with one purpose, to read the book of Enos and not leave until they knew, without any doubt, that they were clean. For a long time nothing came. And then it did. Not a gust that knocks you down, but a gentle wind that lifts the soul, the quiet certainty that your sins are forgiven. One of those young men felt it move through him and began, in his own words and his own melody, to sing Redeeming Love. He had read about a mighty change of heart. Now he had felt one.

That young man was Craig Ostler, now a Professor Emeritus of Church History and Doctrine at Brigham Young University and one of the most respected voices on the Doctrine and Covenants. He would go on to teach the Restoration for 40 years and to help write a 1,200 page study of modern scripture. But the morning in the mountains came first, and it set the pattern for what came after. A testimony, he would learn again and again, is not built from books. It is felt, and then it is known.

In a recent episode of Why We Believe, host Nathan Gwilliam sits down with Craig, a lifelong teacher in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to trace the moments his faith stopped being something he inherited and became something he owned. What follows is a life measured not in titles, but in the times he felt God answer.

A Gentle Wind in the Mountains

Craig grew up knowing that Heavenly Father heard his prayers. He says he learned it as a boy of seven, when a quiet prompting led him to a missing dog he had prayed to find. But as he approached missionary age, he wanted more than a childhood certainty. If he was going to teach other people that faith in Christ brings a remission of sins, he needed to know that remission for himself.

So he and a close friend went into the mountains to fast and pray. The feeling that finally came was unmistakable. He understood the atoning sacrifice, and he knew he was clean. He has spent the rest of his life trying to put words to it, telling his own grandchildren that the experience is real, not just something the family talks about. It is, he says, like walking on air.

The Promise That Nearly Broke Him

Years later, serving in Colombia, Craig faced the hardest moment of his mission. A father wanted to be baptized, but he had been dishonest with his employer, and setting it right could mean prison and leave his wife and children with nothing. After weeks of counsel, the man asked Craig a direct question. Could he promise that the restored gospel and the Atonement of the Savior were absolutely true?

Craig had to dig deep before he answered. He told the man yes. Then he walked away into the night with his companion, stopped, and fell apart, because belief had finally asked something of him. He came to understand the moment through Moroni, who taught that no witness comes until after the trial of your faith. The cost was the proof.

The witness itself came a couple of weeks later. On a fast Sunday, Craig knelt alone in a small rented room and asked God to help him understand a hard doctrine. He received far more than an answer. He says God testified to him, through his whole being, that he was a son of God and that Jesus is the Savior of the world. Craig compares it to what the Prophet Joseph Smith said after the First Vision, that he had seen it and could not deny it. Fifty years later he still calls it the most important thing that happened on his mission, the place he returns to whenever doubt comes.

No Throwaway Verses

When Joseph Fielding McConkie chose Craig to help write a 1,200 page commentary on the Doctrine and Covenants, Craig learned a principle that has stayed with him since. When a passage was hard, or the history behind it was tangled, the answer was to keep reading and praying until the meaning opened up. Nothing was meant to be skipped.

He came away certain that every section of the Doctrine and Covenants carries something worth keeping. Give a verse enough time, he says, and it will ring in your soul, answering a question or offering encouragement right when it is needed. There are, in his words, no throwaway verses and no throwaway phrases. The same patience he brought to scripture he later brought to the sacred sites, walking and photographing nearly every place where the Restoration unfolded.

Little Knees in the Sacred Grove

One of Craig's favorite memories is a family trip to the Sacred Grove. The younger children noticed the adults had wandered off and asked where everyone had gone. Craig told them they had probably gone to pray, the way Joseph Smith once did. His young son lit up and said he had questions of his own he wanted to ask Heavenly Father while he was there.

Craig let the children walk a short distance away, where he could still see them, and watched. One by one their small knees bent and their heads bowed in the trees. It is a scene he returns to often. He has also stood in the Garden Tomb in Jerusalem, where he and his family lived twice, quietly turning the resurrection over in his mind in the place that remembers it.

What He Knows and What He Believes

Asked at the end why he believes, Craig draws a careful line. There are things he knows, he says, because he has lived them. He has felt the gifts of the Spirit. He has received revelation. And there are things he has not experienced directly, like the resurrection, which he therefore believes rather than knows.

But the two are connected. If he has already felt one part of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, the overwhelming joy of being forgiven, then he trusts that the other part, the rising from the dead, is just as real. He has never seen a resurrection. He has felt the joy of forgiveness. For Craig Ostler, the first is reason enough to believe the second.

Key Takeaways

Craig's story carries a few simple ideas worth holding onto. A testimony is not built from study; it is felt, and what you feel, you come to know. God answers the prayers of His children, and the certainty felt on a child's knees can anchor a whole life. No witness comes until after the trial of your faith, because conviction is forged when belief costs something. Forgiveness is not merely hoped for; it can be felt, and the mighty change of heart is real. And if you have felt one part of the Atonement, you can trust the rest.

Thank you for reading this week's blog post inspired by the Why We Believe show. If you are interested in more stories like this, you can check out our other blog posts and episodes at WhyWeBelieve.com.

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Follow Craig Ostler: BYU Faculty Profile: Craig J. Ostler