He Taught Thousands to Cast Their Burdens Before He Had to Learn It Himself

He had counseled thousands of people through their hardest moments. For years he taught students, ward members, and missionaries the same gospel principle over and over again: cast your burdens on the Lord. Then one day he stood at a gas station, filling up the mission car, overwhelmed by everything he felt he was failing at. The panic attacks had already started. The diagnosis was severe depression and anxiety. And the man who had spent a career teaching everyone else how to carry their load could not carry his own.

That man is Dr. Brent L. Top, Professor Emeritus of Church History and Doctrine at Brigham Young University and former Dean of Religious Education. He spent 34 years teaching the gospel and wrote more than 30 books about it. Yet while serving as president of the Illinois Peoria Mission, he reached a breaking point that forced him to find out whether he truly believed what he had taught for so long.

In a recent episode of Why We Believe, host Nathan Gwilliam sits down with Brent to trace a faith that began with a witness in the Austrian Alps and was tested across a lifetime of service.

A Witness in the Austrian Alps  

Brent grew up in Idaho Falls in a faithful home where belief came easily. He had never seriously considered unbelief as an option. That changed the summer after high school, when he joined a six-week study tour of Europe and found himself surrounded by other American teenagers who had little interest in the standards he was trying to keep. For the first time in his life, he felt spiritually alone.

One day in Austria, near Salzburg, he walked out into the Alps, found a quiet place, and knelt down. He poured out his soul and asked God the questions he needed answered. Was Joseph Smith really a prophet? Did the gospel he had been taught truly have the power to save? Or was it all made up? The answer came with overwhelming power. He knew he was not alone, and he knew the restored gospel was true. He calls that spot his own sacred grove.

Two Years in Denmark With Nothing to Show  

Brent served his mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Denmark, the land of his forefathers, and it was hard. There was very little success. It was day after day of knocking on doors, going weeks and even months without being invited in to share a message. There were times he wondered what he was doing and whether he was wasting his time.

What he could not see in those discouraging months was the work the Lord was doing in him. Little by little, without any single dramatic event, he was becoming a different person. Only at the end did he understand it. The most important convert of his mission had been himself. The faithful service had changed the servant most of all.

The Breaking Point  

Years later, as a mission president, Brent hit a wall. The work was relentless and never let up. He was tired all the time, and the weight of it kept building until it all came crashing down. He began having panic attacks and was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Almost no one knew. Only his wife and his doctor.

One night, as he was falling apart, his wife held him and told him to focus on Christ, just the one thing he could still do. It sounded simple, but in that moment he did not even know how. He thought of a line from C.S. Lewis, that you never know how much you believe something until it becomes a matter of life or death. For Brent, his belief in Christ's strengthening grace had become exactly that.

The turning point came at a mission president's seminar. As he came through the temple veil, Elder Dieter Uchtdorf took him in his arms and told him he loved him and was proud of him. In that embrace Brent felt the love of the Savior and a strength that was not his own. Though he was weak, he was made strong.

Learning to Offload the Weight  

What Brent took from that season was a lesson he had taught for decades but never truly lived. He could offload his burden. He had told family, students, and missionaries to cast their cares on the Lord, but he had been holding onto his own, quietly trying to be everything to everyone. He had been denying himself the very grace he preached.

Help came in unexpected ways. One day a counselor from his mission presidency, a faithful man named Donald Patterson, called him out of the blue and said he felt impressed to tell Brent that the Lord was mindful of him and accepting of his offering. Brent had told no one what he was carrying. Later, when he was called as a stake president and felt he could not do it, his wife reminded him that the Lord had carried him once and could carry him again. He learned to let his weakness be swallowed up in the Savior's strength.

The Olive Press at Gethsemane  

Brent and his family spent a year in the Holy Land while he taught at BYU's Jerusalem Center. One of the moments that stayed with him most was the first time he saw an olive press in operation. The very word Gethsemane means olive press. Olives were gathered, crushed under a great stone, and placed in baskets under the press.

As the press bore down, red juice ran in drops along the beautiful white limestone before the pure oil rose to the top. To Brent it looked like blood. He thought of the scripture that says the Savior bled from every pore, and he could see it drop by drop with every turn of the press. He says he could never walk into Gethsemane the same way again.

Why He Believes  

When Nathan asked him why he believes, Brent gave three answers. He has seen the fruit of the gospel in his own life and in the lives of others, a practical testimony he can point to. He has studied the hard questions for a lifetime and found that there are answers, an intellectual testimony that holds up under scrutiny. And most of all, he has his own witness, given line upon line, reaching back to that day in the Alps when he was 18.

Brent and his wife also spent years studying near-death experiences, reading account after account to see what patterns held true. Brent says the core elements they found, light and love and a sense of coming home, line up with what prophets and scripture have taught. For him it all points back to the same place. He believes because not believing creates a weight he cannot bear.

Key Takeaways  

Brent's story is less about a career and more about a single lesson learned the hard way. A witness received in our clearest moments can hold us through our darkest ones, long after the clarity is gone. When we are weak, His grace makes us strong, and our weakness is swallowed up in Him. The Lord changes us a little at a time, usually before we can see it ourselves, and faithful service changes the servant most. In the end, not believing creates a weight no one can carry alone. That is why faith matters most.

Thank you for reading this week's blog post inspired by the Why We Believe show. If you are interested in more stories like this, you can check out our other blog posts and episodes at WhyWeBelieve.com.

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